Concerns Before Seeing Watchmen

I love Watchmen (not the watchmen, you fucking hipsters).

When I was first getting into comic books this was the book that cemented me as a fan of the genre. It does everything right and, deservedly, has secured it’s place as one of the top comics ever written.

But now there a movie. Of course, I have already gotten my tickets and am getting geared up to catch the 7pm showing tonight.  However, I have a few, ahem, concerns.

Concern #1: Rorschach will lose his right-wing nuttiness.

You see, Rorschach is a Nazi.  He is.  His political and social beliefs are so far right that even Karl Rove might be a little scared of this guy. I’m nervous that this will be toned down to make the character more accessible due to him popularity.

Concern #2: The Changed Ending

The ending is what, for me, separates Watchmen from other works. It turns comics, films and pop literature on it’s ear. Now, I know for a fact that the ending has been changed but I have thus far kept these changes a secret from myself.  Watchmen’s ending is perfect and fucking with thus said perfection cannot be good.

Concern #3: Night Owl Is Going To Be Cool

(Rince and repeat from reason #1) Night Owl is a impotent 40 something has been. He is not cool, for fuck sakes the man is into ornithology?! If that isn’t something that keeps you from getting laid than I don’t know what is.  I’ll be quite surprised if they show how lame and self doubting this character is and should be.

Concern #4: It Will Suck.

You know what sucked? The 300. You know what also sucked? The Dawn of the Dead remake. You know who directed both these suckie movies? The suckie director Zack Snyder, AKA the man who also is the entire force behind Watchmen’s film adaptation.  He has a track record of ZERO in my book and maybe I am a fool for hoping this will be any different.

Concern #5: It Will Be Great.

Count me as selfish, but I really and truly hope this isn’t a great film. The first time I saw a Watchmen movie t-shirt, I got pissed. The first time I saw a Watchmen figure I  got more pissed. The first time I hear someone refer to it as a graphic novel, I lost my god damned mine.

I don’t think I can handle seeing something I love whored upon a bunch of shit owned by those posers who seem to be the only people who frequent Hot Topic.

If this movie is awesome, they’re all going to be going around with their Watchmen junk, a Rorschach figure in one arm and the comic in the next.  I can hear the conversations over lattes, “Oh ya, Zack Snyder is a genius. Ya, I’ve read the Graphic Novel. Did you know it’s considered the best of all time? No, I don’t read many graphic novels, but I heard it in the trailer so I decided to repeat it. Comics? No, thats for nerds.”